Not only am I at a loss for words
But actually, I'm at a loss for thoughts.
I don't know what to think of anymore --
Especially, what should I think of you?
How could you say such kindly things to me?
I didn't think that they were empty words.
For how could any emptiness be spoke
By one whose eyes bespeak so very much?
Perhaps those so-called "windows to the soul"
Were acting just as mirrors, nothing more.
Perhaps I just imagined what I thought
I should be seeing through the blurry glass.
Yet still I'm pondering how this could be.
An impasse of confusion halts my steps;
Whatever goals I had have been waylaid
By forces over which there is no rule.
I think in different tenses: sometimes past,
And sometimes present, yet it's all so strange.
It's very like a dream, a lucid dream
Ethereal and far beyond mere words,
Experienced with joyfulness yet fear
Because I always wonder "is this real?"
Are you for real?
My wonderment goes on.
My mind is filled with such chaotic thoughts,
Upon the verge of tears I often find
Myself, as when the merriment subsides --
Until I find myself alone again,
With nothing left to lean against except
The fraying strings that somehow still keep hold
Around my bleeding, beating heart,
Which I have worn upon my sleeve so long.
sjk